Mediation isn't just for demolition divorces or custody agreements
Mediators can help divorcing couples navigate the process and "lower the emotional volume."
Mediators can help many divorcing couples save money and time by helping them move through the legal process more quickly and by avoiding contentious lawsuits.
Most cases involving divorce or child custody issues should be settled out of court -- and usually are, said Amy G. Applegate, a longtime litigator who directs the Family and Children Mediation Clinic at the Indiana University School of Law-Bloomington. However, the divorcing or already divorced parties can make cruel accusations before it gets to that point.
"One major problem is that the kids are caught in the middle," Applegate said. "It's very difficult for children. Over and over you hear from children that they want their parents to stop fighting, that they want their parents to let them love both of them. Mediation encourages people to look for non-litigation solutions. Litigation can take a real toll on individuals and families -- emotionally, financially and with their time."
Because of their training and neutrality, mediators often can help divorcing couples reach more effective divorce agreements without as much animosity, benefiting the divorcees and their children.
"They can lower the emotional volume tremendously," said Robert Billingham, an associate professor in Indiana University Bloomington's Department of Applied Health Science. In addition to researching the long-term effects of divorce on children, he also studies parent/child interactions and interpersonal relationships.
Billingham recommends that any divorcing couple with children consider mediation because it can help avoid the unnecessary harsh accusations and hostility. Couples attempting a "good divorce" also should consider mediators because of the time and cost savings and because good mediators can help the couples consider perspectives and issues they might otherwise miss. Divorce, said Applegate, can make people behave in unfortunate -- and sometimes unexpected -- ways.
"When your relationship is breaking up, you hear yourself saying things, see yourself doing things that you normally wouldn't say or do," Applegate said. "Good people do this."
Mediation services can be found through referrals from attorneys, courts or bar associations. Some law schools, including IUB's, offer mediation services. Applegate said Internet resources can be helpful as well, such as http://www.uptoparents.org and http://www.proudtoparent.org. Applegate and Billingham both recommend that divorcing parents also consult with their own attorneys, noting that the mediator does not serve as an attorney for any of the parties to the mediation.
