Stop being the victim
If you suffer from low self-esteem, I would like you to ask yourself the following: Is my negative thinking and pessimism contributing to my low self-esteem, or is my low self-esteem causing my negative and pessimistic attitude?
Regardless, it's absolutely critical that someone with low self-esteem retrain his or her faulty thinking. Let me give you some examples of two very different types of mentalities when dealing with self-esteem.
- People with low self-esteem believe they attract bad karma. Positive thinkers look at life's circumstances as opportunities to grow and learn.
- Low self-esteemers look at life with a negative slant. They look at life as a struggle. Good self-esteemers look at life as a challenge and believe they can accomplish goals to get the desired results.
If you suffer from low self-esteem you will tend to see yourself as a victim. You believe that life has done you wrong. You let the devastation be the primary feeling. You use self-talk like, "This will ruin me." "This is because I'm not good enough." "I hate myself." When bad things happen to people with healthy self-esteem they immediately look for ways to combat the situation. They use phrases like, "I'll get around this." "I can do it." "This is just a stumbling block."
You see, people with low self-esteem limit their own expectations. They don't believe in themselves so they don't believe great things can happen. When you like yourself, you believe you can achieve. You know you deserve it, and you look for ways to make your life happen.
Your attitude is the No. 1 contributor to your self-view. If you downplay your character, your abilities and your talents, you will never fully actualize as a person. When you have good self-esteem you recognize that you're human, so you know your own limitations and as a result you work with them.
A person with good self-esteem may have a tendency to procrastinate so he gets into the daily habit of writing lists to keep himself on track. A person with positive self-esteem may have trouble with numbers, so he passes the bills to his spouse. A person with good self-esteem may like to sleep in, so she will work out a flex plan with her boss. This person won't chastise herself for her limitations; she will look at ways to move beyond them.
When you suffer from low self-esteem it's easy to get caught up in the black-and-white thinking -- the polarized thinking. When a negative occurs, it feels like a catastrophe. Healthy individuals focus on the solution. Therefore, they don't get caught up in the negativity.
Homework Assignment:
Each time you feel that something has occurred that has you locked in a one down position, ask yourself, "How can I reframe the event so that I grow stronger as a result?"
When you reframe the circumstance it changes your perspective from victim to survivor. Survivors are wise and strong and capable. Use it with all situations and watch how it transforms into good self-esteem.
Active for Life brings you homework assignments, insights and inspiration from Carol the Coach, a.k.a. Carol Juergensen Sheets. Sheets wears many hats -- individual, family and group mental health therapist, life skills coach, executive coach, marriage therapist, columnist, radio talk show host and IU alum. With more than 25 years of experience as a psychotherapist, she works for the Indianapolis Psychiatric Associates, part of the Clarian Health Care System in Indianapolis.
To read more Active for Life blogs from Carol the Coach, visit http://newsinfo.iu.edu/cat/page/normal/377.html.
