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Media Relations

Carol the Coach: No one can make you feel inferior

Are you empowered? Do you know your own sense of self worth? Do you give yourself credit for all your strengths? Do you know how to stand your ground and speak up for what you feel is right?

It's easy to spot someone who has misplaced his or her power, because that person will frequently make statements like, "He made me feel so incompetent," or "She made me feel so inadequate." When I hear these types of statements in counseling, I remind the person that no one can "make them feel inferior, incompetent or inadequate." I tell them that it is OK to feel the feeling but not to internalize the message that is implied. "No one can make you feel (fill in the blank)."

Do you know people who are so negative that it "feels" like their mission in life is to make you feel angry, weak, powerless, miserable, depressed or sad? As I tell my clients, don't give them the power to do this to you. "No one can make you feel (fill in the blank)." You have the choice to decide how others affect you. It's time to take back your power.

It's normal for you to react to another with a certain feeling. You don't have to feel the feeling permanently and allow it to color your sense of identity. You get to make the choice as to how to process the feelings. If your ex makes a statement that you are a "stupid idiot" you may initially feel anger, but then it's your responsibility to shift your thinking and say, "I won't give him or her the power to make me feel like 'a stupid idiot.'"

The anger that the message generates can direct you to handle the situation productively. It may help you minimize all contact with your ex, or maybe it's your cue to find positive people to associate with so that you never, ever, hook up with a power-hungry partner again.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." In other words, although the feelings are normal, it's what you do with them and how you process them that reconnect you to your power.

Homework Assignment:
Do you have people in your life who "get to you" on a consistent basis? They have an uncanny ability to push your buttons to the point that you may question your own self and abilities? The next time this person goes after you or attacks you personally, take a deep breath, feel the feeling, and then remind yourself that you won't let the person's words affect your self-esteem. Use this three-step process to regain your power and your self esteem.

More often than not, these types of people are overly concerned with control. They see themselves as authority figures and want power over you. They take a one-up position, which results in others feeling one down.

Life is about choices. You can't control how others treat you, but you can definitely choose how you let it affect you it!

Active for Life brings you homework assignments, insights and inspiration from Carol the Coach, a.k.a. Carol Juergensen Sheets. Sheets wears many hats -- individual, family and group mental health therapist, life skills coach, executive coach, marriage therapist, columnist, radio talk show host and IU alum. With more than 25 years of experience as a psychotherapist, she works for the Indianapolis Psychiatric Associates, part of the Clarian Health Care System in Indianapolis. Sharpen your pencils and prepare to be inspired.

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